BOOK | "The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down" by Haemin Sunim

If I recall how many books that I have been read all of my life, I feel like I need some getaway book to cleanse my mind a bit, and it's been a while I have not read anything. Other than education book and module, I mostly read Fiction Novel until I realized I don't think I ever read a mental health book until such as "The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down" By Haemin Sunim. I saw many quotes from this book online, and I feel like I had to read it. The book I had is the translations from Korean. For instance, The book is about mindfulness, spiritual advice, and truthfully the book really opening window to all the things you can see only when you slow down.

The book divides into 1 prologue, 8 chapters, and 1 epilogue. Each chapter represents every aspect of life, from friends to relationships. Every chapter starts with an open essay like a real-life story Haemin Sunim told us then turns out to be another life lesson followed by a series of short messages with similar meaning.

The book also shows us some feelings that we feel, but we actually don't realize. It really makes you think of having a journey to yourself. The book makes us realize that we are living in a fast world that we don't actually have time to rest. The world we may see today might be the world that seems to run fast forwards to the future, but that doesn't mean we have to. To befriending your emotions, realizing that negative emotion is not a fixed reality, to observe our feelings instead of confronting them. The book realizes that sometimes getting the job done well is more important than one's perception of doing a good job.

All of the chapters really got me mesmerized and made me wonder a lot while reading some short messages. I do realize that I don't really like to talking or catching up to my close friends all day even though I do get along with them for years because I understand that it's a consideration feeling that everyone needs to build and have some personal space and time. But when the times to catching up with them, we have to make sure that the time is precious and promising ourselves not taking it for granted.

Haemin Sunim also shares about love. Somehow we also like to seek something in someone we love. Something that we expect that the significant other would do to us like, loving ourselves back and stuff. He shares that sometimes when love finds you, everything else becomes unimportant. Our thoughts will circle around every day. It really amazed me that I found myself not exactly what it's like to experience the feeling of being in love, the sweetness of love, or the bitterness of a heartbreak. Even though we don't exactly know when love comes, but somehow he told me about the promise of love found me, I, too, would pour all of myself into it, without any calculation or fear, even if deep pain lurked behind it. Because receiving love is like you have a whole full package, it always with the sweetness and the bitterness.

At first, he said try to not read this book like a novel. Well, it's true. Because the first time I wanted to read it like a novel, I don't think I grasp all of the messages he shared. It became a book full of quotes at that time. But this book is really a journey to yourself trying to see some aspects of life, you don't wanna force yourself to know yourself instantly, right? Try to read this book like pick a number of a page then read it, and it will make you wondering all day. Read like this might really useful for me. It might really not practical to you, so somehow he said try to read with the flow you like, you could read this book while you're down, or even when you're in the happiest state whatsoever.

I think Haemin Sunim has his way of delivering words so beautifully. I found the book very amusing and somehow another fuel to a better self. He shared essays with some real-life lessons, making me realize that I am not the one who has a hard time in this world. I don't have to run fast to reach my dream. I will manage my thoughts as I am trying to maintain my relationship with my family and friends. I will enjoy my job in the future. And yes, I will probably be purchasing his other book soon.

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5 reasons why making your own stuff sparks more joy

Disclaimer: do it if you have the luxury to do so, but if you’re having a limited budget, do it efficiently.
If you ever feel like, oh my life has been so digital because I don’t know what else to do? Or if you ever like bored of the new routine you’ve been doing for so long, this might help you to do it in spare time if you have the luxury to do so.
Being an introverted person doesn’t make me not wander around in social media. I am aware myself that some day I just lay in my bed being unproductive while surfing myself watching youtube videos, or even watching dramas/tv shows, scrolling around instagram feeds even to read some thread I ridiculously find on twitter. Also, I am fully aware that I need to break that habit, because it is not very sound healthy in a way. “You just need to do it, mutihhh” I said myself. And everyone knew that one step at a time tips are really really productive, if you do it fun, and not being forced by yourself.
Amongst all the things that I want to do, and the things that I don’t think I could do, is crocheting. Well actually I once attended a workshop about how to customize your tote bag with polaroid pictures and with accessories like pompow/something that really makes your tote bag so cute and sparks joy. The techniques I learned in that workshop was how to use some latch hook with some nets. Then we did some stuff and stitched at the end. Then suddenly I feel like I need to learn some crochet stuff beside the thing I learned at the workshop. So, I did some crochet stuff and I am putting 5 reasons why making your own stuff sparks more joy.

You have 100% control of what you’re making
Colors, Styles, Pattern, Fabric, you name it! Sometimes when we’re buying clothes or shoes there is something that makes you contemplate like, what if it’s not fit? I like the style, but I don’t like the fabric and so many thoughts wander around. So, why bother having those thoughts while you can choose all of those things by yourself? Be your own designer!

Another way to have your own heal and kill time
I do really feel that when I am learning crochet to make my own bucket head. I know it might not look good to everyone but the process of making and learning crocheting is really different, for me. Just like, you are studying but making something at the same time. And when you’re so absorbed by doing it, suddenly time flies really fast. I don’t track how I finished my bucket hat (probably around 2 days prior), but it is really healing time because doing something different is making you more curious about that and it's killing time in a way that you’re gonna notice you could be productive by doing something like this.

Sense of Belongings
It is 100% true, at least I relate those words. When you’re doing something to and for yourself, there’s some proud feelings after what you’ve been through. It’s like you’re one step away from another fun-obstacle. You’re letting yourself be challenged, by making something on your own, for your own. And the reward is the proud feeling you get when you’re using it, or even bragging to your friends like, “girl, I made this.”. 

Get to know yourself more
I am aware that there are a lot of ways to get to know yourself more. But I find by making something on your own are one of those ways. Objectively said, when you’re doing it you’ll find what you like, what kind of color palette you’d like, what kind of style and pattern you’d like to experiment, what kind of fabric that is really good to wear and not breaking out your skin. Let yourself have those fun thoughts and surf on your own. It is perfectly the time that you’d let yourself to do something different from what you’ve been like. I find it hard to wear any cute little bag because it doesn’t fit enough also I don’t think I  fit into the light blue color. But here I am presenting you about my blue-cute-little-bag with four bright flowers in it. And I am happy.

Why buy, when you can make it yourself?
I know, it’s a little bit ambitious to say like that and I am very conscious when thinking about it. Because of what? Making something by yourself means that you’re willing to spend a little bit more money to do it. It might be a little bit pricey at first, but if you look at the other angle of this is for you as if it’s a reward for you to try something different - kinda thing. And I must say, making something for yourself is a good thing to do and fun. However sometimes there’s this angle of finance----luxury--- area that can’t be forgotten, in a way. I want you to experiment something for your own but remember it doesn’t have to be that pricey fabric, that expensive color pattern or some, even if you don’t have to buy some expensive tools! Every tool is the same, it’s just a different brand, the quality might be the same, but it’s not what you’re going after, right? I know having cute tools helps you be more productive but it’s not if you’re having a limited budget for everything (yeah, this is just some kind of college stuff I learned that I actually adapted into my lifestyle).

I hope you would find something to make on your own. And let me know if you're making one! because i am planning to make another one, too!
Ciao!
mutihhh 

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Why I Don't Write For A Year | mutihhh

Everyone says, “There has to be more of life” which it includes the whole deep meaning of it. Well, yes.

1 tahun belakangan ini

Someone has no thing to write about. She is in her slump phase. Even her education got a slightly impact.

So here, I want to explain why I don’t write for a year.

Selama 1 tahun enggak nulis apa-apa, rasanya gaenak.

Gaenak karena, dari kecil (dari smp) the first internet platform that I knew back then was “Blogger”. Dan jujur, beberapa temen kuliah gue pun dulu pas smp nya, pada punya blog masing-masing, “tapi udah gak nulis lagi mut.” Kata mereka.

Banyak yang menjadi alasan kenapa gue enggak nulis, esp selama 1 tahun. Dan banyak juga alasan-alasan yang menurut gue, gue mengakui kalau itu Cuma alasan sebagai pembenaran diri atas kenapa gue enggak nulis. Kaya, “gue lagi gak jalan-jalan” dan seperti hal-hal pembenaran diri demi menjauhi sesuatu.

Sebelum punya wordpress, gue punya blog (seperti temen-temen kuliah gue dulu). Yang tulisannya, ya seperti tulisan di era nya. And sometimes I feel proud of my past self while I was reading my own writing. “she was fearless back then. To write something like this”.

FYI, I am a college student. Industrial ones. So, orang-orang berekspektasi orang yang kuliah di jurusan gue itu, tugasnya banyak, mata kuliah nya campur-campur dan sebagainya. Which is r i g h t. Tetapi gue gak mau menjadikan studi gue sebagai alasan kenapa gue gak nulis, kenapa gue gak bisa nulis.

Mungkin ini menjadi alasan (yang semoga aja tidak terdengar seperti pembenaran diri) kenapa gue enggak nulis – I mean enggak mempublish tulisan gue ke media.

I had a slump for a year. Masuk ke umur 20. Like, gue mempertanyakan apa pun. Kenapa gue lahir, kenapa gue jadi manusia yang beragama, kenapa gue pake kerudung as a muslim woman, kenapa gue mau masuk teknik, kenapa gue dulu pernah pacaran, kenapa gue susah buat cerita ke temen-temen real life gue, kenapa gue fangirling, dan berbagai macam pertanyaan yang dimulai dengan kata, “Kenapa”.

Setelah gue bertanya-tanya, gue pun sadar. Gue termasuk orang yang logis. Enggak pernah mendengar kata hati. Well, I listened to her, but I don’t take it as an advice. To me, my brain’s voice are really my bestfriend until now. She knew me too well. Namun, tiba-tiba gue merasa dia menjadi seperti my heart’s voice. I don’t know why. Dan tiba-tiba gue sadar gue jadi orang yang sensitive. I feel like I wanna cry but I can’t. the tears wont come out. I hate it. Dan gue benci banget sama temen-temen gue yang mmm… gampang banget nangis, waktu itu. “kenapa mereka gampang nangis, kok gue enggak?” I tried a couple movies to watch they have recommended to me. I wasn’t cry. Dan itu bikin gue makin kesel sama diri gue sendiri.

Dan akhirnya, gue stress. Karena gue enggak bisa menjawab sebagian dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang gue tanya kepada diri gue sendiri. I feel like I am a failed person. Especially, I feel like I am a failed Asian, to my knowledge. Gue gak bisa apa-apa. Hidup gue stagnan. Gue bobrok banget. Gue gak ngerti apa-apa. Setiap kali gue suka sesuatu dan mau melakukan itu, ada dalam diri gue yang bilang, “lo tuh gak bakal sukses kalo lo lakuin ini” dan berbagai macam respon negative yang bener-bener bikin gue self-anxious dan it really kills me.

Selama 1 tahun ini juga, gue merasa gue kurang baca. Baca apa aja. Novel, modul kuliah, whatsoever. Dan setiap kali gue membaca tulisan orang (terutama orang-orang yang masih menulis dan punya blog) they made me pity myself. Mereka membuat gue malu sama diri sendiri, kenapa gue kemakan omongan dan pikiran negatif gue sendiri. Bukan hanya itu aja, tulisan mereka somehow seperti ngebuat gue buat nulis lagi, tapi I really had no intention to write. Dan sampe-sampe gue kepikiran sama 1 quote movie,

“What makes you a painter if you don’t paint?”

-The Art Of Getting By (2011)

Iya.

“What makes you a writer if you don’t write?”

Well, practically, I had my own diary, journal, whatever you called it. I write there for a year. Not daily, but when I really hate myself. Esp ketika pikiran itu datang. So maybe I kinda publish beberapa di sini, still I don’t know when. But you may look forward to it.

dan yang lucu nya, gue selalu nonton film itu disaat gue lagi down. karena setiap kali gue nonton film itu, gue nemu sesuatu, gue belajar sesuatu, dan lucunya, sangat berdampak banget buat diri gue sekarang. dulu gue nonton itu pas di tahun release nya, 2011. dan gue cuma nangkep film itu ngajarin kita buat semangat, kerja keras to achieve something. dan jujur, setiap kali abis nonton film itu, gue dapet “semangat” nya. gue selalu seneng gitu. film ini tuh deep banget menurut gue. dan gue gak akan mau ngebayangin diri gue bakalan kaya gimana kalo dulu pas 2011 gue enggak nonton film ini.

Let’s say, I am being self-anxious for almost a year. To be real, I kinda have a slight depression. For almost 2-3 months. To me, they are really a cancer. My health is not good too back then and I’m still recovering until now. They are really a bastard. Mereka berdua ngejadiin diri gue yang  kesel sama diri gue sendiri. Dan yang paling parah nya lagi, I almost did not know who I am. Gue gak tau siapa diri gue sendiri. I know, they are really “jahat”. Dan yang membuat gue merasa gue jahat (juga) sama diri gue sendiri. Gue mendem. Well, I mean I am not someone who opens up easily. But for this time, gue merasa gue jahat banget sama diri gue sendiri kalo gue mendem hal yang kaya gini. So, I reached out a friend. An understandable ones. After that, I knew that I am going well. Let’s say, a self-love is about to come.

And after I’m recovered about my self-anxious and depression. Suddenly I miss my old self. I know it’s weird but since my past self especially my early teenage years, I love to write, I miss my self to write. Write something. Anything. Fiction especially. And I am happy I am aware of myself knowing that. And I hope I write a lot more than my teenage years era and my kinda mature enough writing is going more good since I’m going better myself.

To you who read this (lmao), I hope you’ll understand.

Here’s to many mutia’s writing in the future!

Ciao,

Mutihhh

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CHANGE??? I Kinda LIKE IT???? | mutihhh

Hi

So It's been a long time (it's almost two years) i have not been writing anything (a.ka have not been posting it on media) so here i am again.

I am aware that i somehow did a lot of change, whether myself or any of my postings on social media.

• I somehow "lock" several old posts of mine during it's so old and embarassing.
• I change my blog theme after years. YAY
• I have my own wordpress too now. it's http://www.mutihhh.blogspot.com/ go for it!
• around 2017, I Traveled once with my family, we went to Bromo. the picture i post above it's around Bromo!
• I hope i write more after this!

ciao!

mutihhh

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GEOPARK CILETUH || PRE-HOLIDAY

Hi!!

So last December I have been travel. with motorbike. (wow, not cool)

BUT the challenge is, in here we call it by, "TOURING" which is travel together with motorbike or cars, or whatever. and the destination somehow more like, nature or something.

so, here I tell you. 

I have been going to Geopark, Ciletuh, Sukabumi, Jawa Barat, Indonesia. In Which (it supposed to be a beatufiul destination) really cool place to think and to relax, but unfortunately in time we (me and the others) arrived in a no-good-timing because it was rain and yeah.

Before i tell you about the destination, i'd like to tell you more about how we ride.

It supposed to start at 8:00 pm. but we accidentally on ride at 10:30 pm. another technical difficulties. yaa, namanya juga mahasiswa. 

karena destinasi kali ini ke daerah Sukabumi, berarti lewat bogor dong, ya. 

iya. Jalan Raya Bogor seems like the endless road kaya tol cipali, i guess? 

jadi, dari kampus (Universitas Pancasila) sampai Ciletuh, butuh waktu sekitar kurang lebih 9 jam. karena sampai sana sekitar jam 08:30am.

dan yang lebih serunya lagi, selama diperjalanan.

biasa aja sih. karena malem jadi gaterlalu banyak nengok kanan kiiri (ofc gue yang diboceng lah :3) 

CUMA ADA CERITA SEREM DIBALIK TOURING KEMAREN. I AM ALMOST PARNO. (nggakdeng, kata darmen itu gue udah parno).

jadi sekitar jam 2 pagi, dijalan, udah masuk ke daerah yang agak hutan gitu deh, WHICH IS THERE IS NO LIGHT. G E L A P B A N G E T. lampu itu juga dari motor doang. udah gitu jalan nya kaya di puncak gitu belok belokannya. nyebelin banget, awalnya tuh biasa aja because i thought there's someone behind. PAS GUE NENGOK KE BELAKANG??????????

GELAP.

which means gada orang.

sendirian. (maksudnya 1 motor doang)

udah tinggal baca-baca aja dah tuh takut begal juga kaaan. Alhamdulillah nggak ada! (ya siapa tau gitu ya kaan, who knows)

dan untungnya ga beberapa lama langsung ketemurombongan lagi. jeng jeng. akhirnya pagi. akhirnya terang.

so, here's the pictures.

dan sebelum nyampe di tempat tujuan,

seperti biasa,

another belok belok puncak.

another padi-scenery. so relaxing!

dan ini yang paling gue suka :

menatap pohon pohon tinggi.

lalu langit sangat (amat) biru, waktu itu.

kalo kata inu, "renovasi otak"

dan ini another foto saat di pantai.

btw, pantai nya lumayan. cuma apa karena kurang diurus kali ya. sedihnya.

by the way, untuk 3 foto diatas.

we all can see kalo

this country memang bener-bener harus di renovasi

gede-gede an.

here's the hope to our petinggi.

semoga berkah kerjanya ya, Bapak, Ibu Semuanya.

:3

15 :3

yaa, untuk 3 foto terakhir itu briefing mau pulang dan foto foto sejenak. cihuy bgt.

 dan pulangnya butuh waktu yang lebih lama lagi sekitaran 12 jam-an. karena pulang banyak banget technical diffficulties nya. bukannya gak mau ceritain. karena ini beneran yang ga perlu diceritain.






selamat menikmati, selamat membaca,
terimakasih, kamu.

Spark,
Mutia Novianti

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ZERO WASTE ??? | A big step goal in life

i find myself interesting about this kind of lifestyle.

But first of all, I have been join environmental course in my college and somehow it makes me aware of this world. Even though I have an assignment about environmental innovation, but this post really blows my mind so much.

i mean, like... HOW IS SOMEONE CAN PRODUCE NO TRASH? i mean, i have been really producing trash a lot!

when i was gabut (Read: nothing to do) i open my youtube and found a woman named, Lauren Singer and SHE IS LIVING A ZERO WASTE LIFESTYLE IN NEW YORK FOR ALMOST FOUR YEAARS

can you even imagine, New York? 

Jakarta, sekarang aja udah bisa ngehasili almost 7000 ton sampah. New York malah 33 juta ton sampah.

Egilak, banyak.

ok let me introduce first what zerowaste is mean

ZERO WASTE is a philosophy that encourages the redesign of resources life cycles so that all products are reused. No trash is sent to landfills or incinerators. The process recommended is one similar to the way that resources are reused in nature.

so basically, Zero Waste itu gimana caranya manusia enggak buang sampah terus-terusan. and we usually wear a lot of equipments that long-lasting a.ka barang tahan banting a.ka barang yang serba awet.

bukan awet aja cuy. inti dari zero waste itu bukan "tidak memproduksi limbah" aja. tapi enggak make barang-barang yang serba plastik karena tidak re-use-able.

so literally, orang-orang yang menerapkan lifestyle zerowaste, mereka biasanya lebih sering punya barang yang stainless steel atau barang yang dari kayu atau bahkan bambu.

and i may have found out keuntungan-keuntungan orang yang menerapkan lifestyle ini.

1.  HEMAT

YES, They saved money, a lot!.

Biasanya orang-orang yang hidup dengan lifestyle ini termasuk orang-orang yang gasuka foya-foya. Bukan tentang foya-foya uang aja, mereka memiliki pandangan yang kadang agak ibu-ibu, kaya gini

“Kalo belom rusak, belom diganti.”

“masih bagus kok baju nya.”

“ah, belum penting banget untuk dibeli sekarang”

Can you believe it??? Dan yang unik dari orang-orang zerowaste itu, mereka belanja baju secondhand which means mereka beli baju bekas (ofc, yang baju layak pakai), they usually belanja di secondhand store atau di thrift shop. Why? Karena baju secondhand itu harganya lebih murah (jauh lebih murah) dibandingkan baju yang ada di store biasanya. Dan menurut gue, mereka bakalan kumpulin baju mereka yang gak kepake untuk dijual lagi di market kecil-kecilan. Kalo disini yaaa kaya model-model baju cuci gudang gitu.

Eits. Mereka bukan pelit atau apa. They think that the secondhand clothes still have its value.

Karena semua hal apapun di dunia, berharga. Even if it’s broken into pieces.

2.      KREATIF

YAAAS. They creative as fuck.

The way they buy clothes.

The way they run errands.

The way they cook.

The way they do.

Yang unik dari mereka itu sebenernya disini yang ngebuat gue tertarik.

They make toothpaste

They make skincare

Literally, mereka ngebuat apapun yang bisa dibuat, yang seharusnya enggak dibeli, mereka buat sendiri.

Can you even imagine?

Ngebuat pasta gigi, cara mereka belanja yang apa2 bawa packaging sendiri. Ngebuat sampo sendiri, EVEN lauren singer pernah ngebuat deodorant sendiri.

Eits, ini namanya bukan “ih males banget ngeluarin duit”

They know mana yang harus dibeli, mana yang harus gak dibeli tapi bisa dibuat dirumah. And there is a value in it!

Contoh: lu bisa buat pasta gigi sendiri. Awalnya lu buat rasanya yang agak herbal. Tapi lu bosen then lu ngebuat pasta gigi rasa berry.

Nah. Disitu pemikiran orang zerowaste. Kalo lu beli pasta gigi, pasti kadang gak sesuai sama keinginan BUT sometimes you have to buy it. Right????

BUT HEEEY this is where you are being pushed to be more creative!

3.       HIDUP SEHAT

Beberapa orang yang zerowaste tiba-tiba pada jadi vegetarian yang menurut gue,

Enggak gitu juga kali. Emangnya lu gak doyan daging?

But at least, mereka hidupnya agak sehat karena makanan mereka biasanya lebih banyak sayurannya dibandingkan makanan yang agak enggak menyehatkan. I am so envy L

    

But, here I am. Amaze by the zerowaste lilfestyle.

Tapi, zerowaste ini gak bisa 100%, even my teacher said so. (yes I’ve been join environmental course). Karena mereka cuma enggak  produce limbah padat saja. Mereka masih menghasilkan limbah cair. And maybe they are not worries that too much????

according to a big step in life.

zerowaste butuh diterapin apalagi di jakarta. berhubung sampah dijakarta belum sebanyak di New York. but she made it gitu. dan kabar gembiranya itu, sekarang (udah lama sih) pemerintah udah ngebuatin(apaansi bahasanya) tempat sampah dengan ciri-cirinya. cuma kabar buruknya, kadang masyarakat masih bingung buat nentuin itu sampah organik atau non-organik. i mean LOOK AT YOUR SAMPAH, BISA DIPAKE LAGI APA ENGGAK GITU *kesel*

kenapa zerowaste belum bisa diterapin di Indonesia, apalagi di jakarta?

KARENA MASYARAKAT KITA MASIH MANJA SAMA PLASTIK. udah itu aja. karena gue pun sendiri merasakan.

belanja 2 item aja pake plastik kecil like, you can manage it to hold it in your hand. gausah pake nenteng2 plastik. ujung2 nya dibuang. 

KARENA DI INDONESIA ENGGAK ADA SUPERMARKET YANG MENERAPKAN ZEROWASTE. sudah cukup sampai sini. gabisa ngomong apa-apa lagi. karena setiap perusahaan punya alasannya masing-masing (apaansih)

btw, ini si lauren singer

P.s.I DO REALLY WANT TO LIVE A ZEROWASTE LIFE IN JAKARTA BECAUSE IT IS REALLY CHALLENGING BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START

p.s.s LAUREN SINGER IS MY ROLE MODEL NOW. I AM SO AMAZED OF HER.

best regards,

mutihhh

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-- 2017 --

cihuy, tahun baru!

may this year will be MORE good than past.

here's to the best for the worst.

cheers,

Mutia Novianti

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2016 flew so fast?

For all the words i have been kept,
for all the times i have been wait,

it's good to be back.

you might be wondering, is this a resume posting about 2016? possibly.
or
is this a posting about my resolution for 2017? no.

for i have been known, i have never get myself a resume or resolution. because what's the point of that?

i mean like this, you write down your own shit hope into a paper and you keep it for a year then the end of year you will look back and read it and evaluating yourself?

i'd rather have no resolution like that.

i would love if my life flows like a water. no. please let me explain to you.

everyone has a goal in their life. no matter good or shit, everyone got one. include me.

but i really love doing something i love and i wish it really affects for people and i write down so in time like this i would probably reflecting myself of what i have been doing lately this year.

and the shit one was, i am not doing so much. and it was really hits me the most.
but the cool was, i love meeting a lot of people this year. i literally meet my new internet friends and we talk a lot even though i was shit to her because i am the kind of people who afraid to talk first. i knew more people. i befriended with my friends who are not so close with me but i'll try to be more socialize like what he said.

"kayanya lu gak cocok main ama mereka, be socialize"

well in that case, i have been putting myself away from my usually friends and talk with another one.
but the hardest part is,
for all i have been know, i desperately wasting this year for longing.

yes. longing. and i dont even know what i am longing for.




and i keep whispering to myself over and over,
i wish i have a lot of time to write.


#np this wild life - better with you


Best regards.
Mutia Novianti

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First Anniversary; Bakar-bakar; Duduk-duduk; Malam

So, what a incredible year.

through thick and thin
big and small
fights
cries

well, it's been a year since i left highschool. and it was great actually. even though the papers, the midterms, the finals, and it was good.

because you are still there. oops.

because everyone who i met was really great. i met someone nice. i met someone hateful. but one thing concerns me;

they teach me something. e v e r y d a y.

so this kind of diversity kind of friend i met in my college was very......
cool.

so take a look around.

Thank you for all of your kindness.

cheers to the another year.

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-

so i was trying to sweep any emails that really i dont need them anymore but then..............

chat history waktu itu kehapus.


do you really know how important chat history is for me? i do really need that.

but on the other hand, i kind of really dont need it anymore. it's not because i like the way we chatted,

it is because i love the past. i kind of missed it.

i miss the way we used to talk, i miss the way i first saw you walk through the outside. i miss the way you look at me at the first time. i miss the way we...

do nothing


aduh, desperate gak sih? although i only keep it to myself but it still matters to me.

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What Makes Human Relations Important

hello.

i have been trying to have some time to write in my own spare time but i mostly and randomly spent it by ...

sleeping

youtube-ing

me-time.

according to my own title in this post, i want to try to evaluate my life in this year, but it's too early to write because it is the beginning of November, right?

this semester i have been taught a lot.

i don't know but it feels like the small little things could really blows my mind.

for example, i had a presentation about human relations and all the contents are most realizing me.

about anything.

and this day, another my college friend has a presentations about human relations too. even if the content is same, but the way they presentate is really different than my group.

i am not talking about how they talk or something.

sometimes, people like me-who really did not enjoy socialize in real life, did not feel comfort about relations, even with humans.i intend to feel more comfortable with my own. alone. well just because of that doesnt mean i am an anti-social friend.

if i am one of those,

i would never be a part of student council with double period when i was in high school.

i would never be a part of college council now.

i would never be i am now.

so, What makes Human Relations Important?

because we are a social creatures.  

we need someone to help us, 

we need someone to ask us to help them,

we need someone to take us somewhere,

we need someone to hear us,

we need people, literally.

because, 

believe or not

realize or not

love it or hate it

we have to make any kind of human relations. such as friends, even if we may talk with a kid in a bus.

because if we do not doing that, we can't live. even if you are a misanthrope.

Sia - Alive

Best Regards,

-Mutia

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Almost

It's not what i want

either

what i need

or maybe i need it for the next phase of my life?

i dont know,

it could be

or it could not.

Is it really rare?

what if i get all this for a reason that i still did not know?

after all this time?

should i have to seek and find again?

or should i end it that way??

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Wave

For those who said, “she don’t have a heart”

For those who said, “she is a pain in the ass”

For those who said, “she never gets ‘a feel’ because she’s too naïve”

I’ll tell you now.

It’s been a great year and it’s been really a good day because I just have got a long weekend with a long assignments.

I don’t need to tell you the whole details, but I wish you could understand what I am going to say.

There’s this boy, who is really ordinary but I don’t think so. We met almost 10 months? I thought so,. He gets bored very easily. And he gets a lot of friends that he needs. Thank God for that. Because of it, I might see his smile everyday.

The thing is, I don’t get any feels. Once again, Thank God.

Maybe one of some of my friends thought that I have a feeling for him and I might be say, “Yes” because it is really comfortable whenever I am with him, it’s really funny when I talk to him, and all of he does it really make people feel at ease.

Or am I the only one who feels that way?

“you two are perfect, why can’t you believe that? Why are you always resisting it?”

“don’t even hurt a boy like that. He’s a jewel.”

“you don’t have any status like ‘boyfie-girlfie’. All you guys have to do is conffesing your own feelings.”

The “I Don’t get any feels”? yes. Even if he does that thing and he making me smile and also he once helping me to forget the past even if he didn’t do anything but it really affected on me much.

For me, there was no other. Because I never thought that he would do that.

I don’t know how to do. And I hate that I don’t hate him.

My very-knows-me-well friend said,

“you, two are perfect in your own way. But If I have to see you guys are together as boyfriend-girlfriend, I am very happy but you guys are very understand of what are the things that you guys have to face it with.  But if I have to see you guys are having your own relationship, it’s okay. You guys together are know what are you gonna do.”

No. it’s only him that knows what to do. I am not.

Or maybe I know what to do.

Or am I gonna hurt this boy again? No? yes?

oh maybe after all this time, 

I don't love him. I'm just passing the time.

fourtwnty - aku tenang

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Blue Neighbourhood - Album Review

So i have this kind of sentimental-emotional feeling this morning when i woke up. I dont know what got me but i have been long time to not to write because 

I dont know what to write

I have no time for seeking imagination this holiday

At the first time i wrote about my holiday in Bandung but it's like a short holiday and i just taking photos and you can see it on my instagram and the caption is almost a parts of this whole album review.

SO TODAY, I am going to review Troye Sivan's Debut Album.

B L U E N E I G H B O U R H O O D

This is the deluxe version cover of  Blue Neighbourhood.

so basically i love the deluxe than the other (the blue is more bright)

but this one is really got me over

yes, Troye.

you won me over 

So actually i have a TXYE EP, WILD EP on iTunes. but my (old)

laptop is broken and this is what i've got. but i still enjoyed it

This album has 16 songs (not inclued a song from target version) - and i am going to review one by one without the target and this is gonna be so cool *right now i am fangirling*

Anyway, This Album has a trilogy video "Blue Neighbourhood Trilogy" 

WILD - BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD PART 1/3

FOOLS - BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD PART 2/3

TALK ME DOWN - BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD PART 3/3

WILD

This song is really reminded me of my childhood. The music is sooo brightful. It reminded me of my old friends-how we played in the past. This song is really catchy that is why this song is a first single of this album. My first impression about this song is like---"OMG, This song is really good i'm about to think of baby's milk advertisiment--it reminded me of my memories of being a child"

WILD - Lyrics

WILD - Official Video

WILD - Live

BITE

This song is when Troye Sivan at his fresh eighteen went to gay club and he was umm... you may want to see his video about this song -- i think this song is really good to hear

I love this song because this song is SSOOOOO LIKE ELECTRO POP and i LOVEEEE this genre. And the lyrics is so strong even if this is not an explicit song.

BITE - Lyrics

BITE - Official Lyric Video

FOOLS

My first impression of this song is "Troye Sivan just made another good sad songs" and this songs really hit me. the lyrics like "Only Fools Fall For You" is making me think about a boy that i almost fall in love with him but i feel such a fools because i kind of known that he's not a good by and all of my friends said "you are fool if you're giving your heart to him. you're such a fool"

i know. my review is not any makes sense haha but it's a good song.

FOOLS - lyrics

FOOLS - Official Video

FOOLS - Live

EASE

I LOVE THIS SONG. Especially this song is featuring with Broods!!. i feel like when i was listening to this song i feel i miss home but i know i am nowhere to go i am still living with my family but this song making me feel so far away from home and i wanna come back but i dont know why and this song is reallly making me feel like someone who really love me but he's so far away and he teleported and he hugged me tight and it really reminded me of home. and the lyrics like "tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease" IT WAS reALLY MAKING ME FEEL HURT AND MISSING HOME BUT I AM HOME. THANK YOU TROYEE

EASE - Lyrics

EASE - Official Lyric Video

EASE - Live

THE QUIET

THIS SONG IS REALLY MAKING ME MISS MY REALLY FFIRST LOVE. So we umm kind of have this quiet session of our lives because he was so far away and we just talking or do stuffs on holiday and we just realize this cant go any further and he was dumped himself so i cant search him online or real and he came back just to say "i'm sorry" with the news that he had a new girlfriend and in that time we just thought that what we did in the past was really wrong and it really broke our friendhip and now we're just like somebody that we used to know

and the whole lyrics is really what we've been through 

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN LIL TROYE

THE QUIET - Lyrics

THE QUIET - Official Lyric Video

DKLA

This song is featuring with Tkay Maidza and she was really good rapping in this song,

This song just feel like-- two people who really had a brutal fight and did not want to keep the love around. But for me, yes it is. And it was really hurts in the ass. this song maybe related to the quiet for me because this song is like reminding me of someone who i love lastly but it went not too well and we just GOT THE QUIET SESSION TOO and we just talk again and we just dont keep love around and we just telling the truth (ofc i dont tell about my feelings--i mean, confess) and in that time we dont know if we're avaible of being a friends or not anymore.

DKLA - Lyrics

DKLA - Official Lyric Video

TALK ME DOWN

So last night i was talking about this song with my new friends who really love with Troye Sivan too and she said this song is really sad and it really makes sense because...

the lyrics just like a human for me. it's like the lyrics wants me to telling him everything--telling me the truth. And i see "the lyrics" in my really good-best-guy-friend. He was really hearable of me. He was really patient when i told him everything. he was like really a good person. And i do really wanna come home and be close to him.

it feels like, He wanted me to tell everything i've been through.

oh my, this song is really hurts. First time i listened this i literally crying. A lot. and remember of him as the lyrics.

TALK ME DOWN - Lyrics

TALK ME DOWN - Official Video

TALK ME DOWN - Live

COOL

This is really a teenage song. This song is reminded me of like teenage holiday in all of the movies--get wasted! but it was really cool if thinking like that and the music is really catchy and reminded me that i have this cool friend and everyone seems want to be eyeful like her (not me) and i feel like "you dont have to be cool like her because you are already cool by yourself" and it feel like a motivation songs hahahaha

COOL - Lyrics

HEAVEN

This is another featuring song in this album. Heaven is a song that featuring with Betty Who. This song is might be the strongest one because this song is really describing Troye Sivan's life as he turned to a gay person. he felt terrified and he literally had a coming out video and it was really a braveful video for me. Even if he said "if i dont go to heaven, fuck it" at his concert.

some people thoughts that this song is representing people who really dont even care about religion or whatsoever. But i see him in this song just like a terrified guy who turned to a gay person and he dont know that if he will ever find someone and he thought maybe God angry with him i dont know?

But without the story of this song. This songs is really good. you should hear it.

HEAVEN - Lyrics

HEAVEN - Live

YOUTH

Youth is reminded me of childhood. when i was six or when i was four i dont care. i was having a good time of my life at that time. and i still feel YOUTH in my teenager phase (i just have 2 years for being an adult person, oh God!). And for the YOUTH TEENAGER PHASE is just when i was in holiday with my friends and it was really good moments and i can not ignore them as a strangers i love them so much because there are my bestfriends and i love hanging out with them because it feel so alive to be a teenager who is having a laugh-sad-complicated time with bestfriend around.

YOUTH - Lyrics

YOUTH - Official Lyric Video

YOUTH - Live

LOST BOY

Lost Boy is a song that telling us a people who already in a relationship and he may felt like he's giving her a hopes up and he may felt really guilt and  he felt like he's not ready to be in love and to be loved so the lyrics that really hit me

So what are you waiting for

'cause someone could love you more

so Troye Sivan is really told us about

Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely

Really thank you for the advice, Mr. Mellet.

LOST BOY - Lyrics

for him.

Oh another featuring song with All Day rapping this song and it was really cool and i really love it.

Troye Sivan said that this song is really personal and i wont tell and write about this but my review.

This song is may be kind of "BUCIN" songs but it really a good songs. This songs tell about how two people who really madly in love and they didnt care about other people think of them and it really making me feel like "i am fall in love" even if i dont seeing anyone hahaha

for him. - Lyrics

for him. - Live

SUBURBIA

Troye Sivan said that this sururbia song reminded him of Perth, Australia. Well me? the fucking traffic jam.

the lyrics like, "Yeah, there's so much history in these streets"

SUBURBIA - Lyrics

TOO GOOD

Too Good is really related to Lost Boy for me because this song felt like a someone who really wasted on someone's life while they're having a hard night.

p.s Troye's voice is really hot in this song. and it really terrifying me because i've had this moment when i was in highschool, i wasted "his" time for loving me while i was being not ready to had a kind of any relationship but anyway this is really a good song 

TOO GOOD - Lyrics

BLUE

This song maybe would be a good-hurt broken up song. This song may be telling that two person who is no longer in love with each other and decided to separated but the other people still want to have a last chance to fix everything and the other people wants the other to stay for a while he/she fixing what's wrong.

and this song is so blue...

BLUE - Lyrics

WILD REMIX

WILD - RAC REMIX

WILD - Scout and Grey Remix

SWIMMING POOLS (Target Version)

you can see the lyrics here

SO THAT's IT!

Thank You for reading this new review in this glorious 2016!

Best Regards,

Mutia 

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