2016 flew so fast?

For all the words i have been kept,
for all the times i have been wait,

it's good to be back.

you might be wondering, is this a resume posting about 2016? possibly.
or
is this a posting about my resolution for 2017? no.

for i have been known, i have never get myself a resume or resolution. because what's the point of that?

i mean like this, you write down your own shit hope into a paper and you keep it for a year then the end of year you will look back and read it and evaluating yourself?

i'd rather have no resolution like that.

i would love if my life flows like a water. no. please let me explain to you.

everyone has a goal in their life. no matter good or shit, everyone got one. include me.

but i really love doing something i love and i wish it really affects for people and i write down so in time like this i would probably reflecting myself of what i have been doing lately this year.

and the shit one was, i am not doing so much. and it was really hits me the most.
but the cool was, i love meeting a lot of people this year. i literally meet my new internet friends and we talk a lot even though i was shit to her because i am the kind of people who afraid to talk first. i knew more people. i befriended with my friends who are not so close with me but i'll try to be more socialize like what he said.

"kayanya lu gak cocok main ama mereka, be socialize"

well in that case, i have been putting myself away from my usually friends and talk with another one.
but the hardest part is,
for all i have been know, i desperately wasting this year for longing.

yes. longing. and i dont even know what i am longing for.




and i keep whispering to myself over and over,
i wish i have a lot of time to write.


#np this wild life - better with you


Best regards.
Mutia Novianti

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First Anniversary; Bakar-bakar; Duduk-duduk; Malam

So, what a incredible year.

through thick and thin
big and small
fights
cries

well, it's been a year since i left highschool. and it was great actually. even though the papers, the midterms, the finals, and it was good.

because you are still there. oops.

because everyone who i met was really great. i met someone nice. i met someone hateful. but one thing concerns me;

they teach me something. e v e r y d a y.

so this kind of diversity kind of friend i met in my college was very......
cool.

so take a look around.

Thank you for all of your kindness.

cheers to the another year.

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-

so i was trying to sweep any emails that really i dont need them anymore but then..............

chat history waktu itu kehapus.


do you really know how important chat history is for me? i do really need that.

but on the other hand, i kind of really dont need it anymore. it's not because i like the way we chatted,

it is because i love the past. i kind of missed it.

i miss the way we used to talk, i miss the way i first saw you walk through the outside. i miss the way you look at me at the first time. i miss the way we...

do nothing


aduh, desperate gak sih? although i only keep it to myself but it still matters to me.

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What Makes Human Relations Important

hello.

i have been trying to have some time to write in my own spare time but i mostly and randomly spent it by ...

sleeping

youtube-ing

me-time.

according to my own title in this post, i want to try to evaluate my life in this year, but it's too early to write because it is the beginning of November, right?

this semester i have been taught a lot.

i don't know but it feels like the small little things could really blows my mind.

for example, i had a presentation about human relations and all the contents are most realizing me.

about anything.

and this day, another my college friend has a presentations about human relations too. even if the content is same, but the way they presentate is really different than my group.

i am not talking about how they talk or something.

sometimes, people like me-who really did not enjoy socialize in real life, did not feel comfort about relations, even with humans.i intend to feel more comfortable with my own. alone. well just because of that doesnt mean i am an anti-social friend.

if i am one of those,

i would never be a part of student council with double period when i was in high school.

i would never be a part of college council now.

i would never be i am now.

so, What makes Human Relations Important?

because we are a social creatures.  

we need someone to help us, 

we need someone to ask us to help them,

we need someone to take us somewhere,

we need someone to hear us,

we need people, literally.

because, 

believe or not

realize or not

love it or hate it

we have to make any kind of human relations. such as friends, even if we may talk with a kid in a bus.

because if we do not doing that, we can't live. even if you are a misanthrope.

Sia - Alive

Best Regards,

-Mutia

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Almost

It's not what i want

either

what i need

or maybe i need it for the next phase of my life?

i dont know,

it could be

or it could not.

Is it really rare?

what if i get all this for a reason that i still did not know?

after all this time?

should i have to seek and find again?

or should i end it that way??

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Wave

For those who said, “she don’t have a heart”

For those who said, “she is a pain in the ass”

For those who said, “she never gets ‘a feel’ because she’s too naïve”

I’ll tell you now.

It’s been a great year and it’s been really a good day because I just have got a long weekend with a long assignments.

I don’t need to tell you the whole details, but I wish you could understand what I am going to say.

There’s this boy, who is really ordinary but I don’t think so. We met almost 10 months? I thought so,. He gets bored very easily. And he gets a lot of friends that he needs. Thank God for that. Because of it, I might see his smile everyday.

The thing is, I don’t get any feels. Once again, Thank God.

Maybe one of some of my friends thought that I have a feeling for him and I might be say, “Yes” because it is really comfortable whenever I am with him, it’s really funny when I talk to him, and all of he does it really make people feel at ease.

Or am I the only one who feels that way?

“you two are perfect, why can’t you believe that? Why are you always resisting it?”

“don’t even hurt a boy like that. He’s a jewel.”

“you don’t have any status like ‘boyfie-girlfie’. All you guys have to do is conffesing your own feelings.”

The “I Don’t get any feels”? yes. Even if he does that thing and he making me smile and also he once helping me to forget the past even if he didn’t do anything but it really affected on me much.

For me, there was no other. Because I never thought that he would do that.

I don’t know how to do. And I hate that I don’t hate him.

My very-knows-me-well friend said,

“you, two are perfect in your own way. But If I have to see you guys are together as boyfriend-girlfriend, I am very happy but you guys are very understand of what are the things that you guys have to face it with.  But if I have to see you guys are having your own relationship, it’s okay. You guys together are know what are you gonna do.”

No. it’s only him that knows what to do. I am not.

Or maybe I know what to do.

Or am I gonna hurt this boy again? No? yes?

oh maybe after all this time, 

I don't love him. I'm just passing the time.

fourtwnty - aku tenang

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Blue Neighbourhood - Album Review

So i have this kind of sentimental-emotional feeling this morning when i woke up. I dont know what got me but i have been long time to not to write because 

I dont know what to write

I have no time for seeking imagination this holiday

At the first time i wrote about my holiday in Bandung but it's like a short holiday and i just taking photos and you can see it on my instagram and the caption is almost a parts of this whole album review.

SO TODAY, I am going to review Troye Sivan's Debut Album.

B L U E N E I G H B O U R H O O D

This is the deluxe version cover of  Blue Neighbourhood.

so basically i love the deluxe than the other (the blue is more bright)

but this one is really got me over

yes, Troye.

you won me over 

So actually i have a TXYE EP, WILD EP on iTunes. but my (old)

laptop is broken and this is what i've got. but i still enjoyed it

This album has 16 songs (not inclued a song from target version) - and i am going to review one by one without the target and this is gonna be so cool *right now i am fangirling*

Anyway, This Album has a trilogy video "Blue Neighbourhood Trilogy" 

WILD - BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD PART 1/3

FOOLS - BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD PART 2/3

TALK ME DOWN - BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD PART 3/3

WILD

This song is really reminded me of my childhood. The music is sooo brightful. It reminded me of my old friends-how we played in the past. This song is really catchy that is why this song is a first single of this album. My first impression about this song is like---"OMG, This song is really good i'm about to think of baby's milk advertisiment--it reminded me of my memories of being a child"

WILD - Lyrics

WILD - Official Video

WILD - Live

BITE

This song is when Troye Sivan at his fresh eighteen went to gay club and he was umm... you may want to see his video about this song -- i think this song is really good to hear

I love this song because this song is SSOOOOO LIKE ELECTRO POP and i LOVEEEE this genre. And the lyrics is so strong even if this is not an explicit song.

BITE - Lyrics

BITE - Official Lyric Video

FOOLS

My first impression of this song is "Troye Sivan just made another good sad songs" and this songs really hit me. the lyrics like "Only Fools Fall For You" is making me think about a boy that i almost fall in love with him but i feel such a fools because i kind of known that he's not a good by and all of my friends said "you are fool if you're giving your heart to him. you're such a fool"

i know. my review is not any makes sense haha but it's a good song.

FOOLS - lyrics

FOOLS - Official Video

FOOLS - Live

EASE

I LOVE THIS SONG. Especially this song is featuring with Broods!!. i feel like when i was listening to this song i feel i miss home but i know i am nowhere to go i am still living with my family but this song making me feel so far away from home and i wanna come back but i dont know why and this song is reallly making me feel like someone who really love me but he's so far away and he teleported and he hugged me tight and it really reminded me of home. and the lyrics like "tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease" IT WAS reALLY MAKING ME FEEL HURT AND MISSING HOME BUT I AM HOME. THANK YOU TROYEE

EASE - Lyrics

EASE - Official Lyric Video

EASE - Live

THE QUIET

THIS SONG IS REALLY MAKING ME MISS MY REALLY FFIRST LOVE. So we umm kind of have this quiet session of our lives because he was so far away and we just talking or do stuffs on holiday and we just realize this cant go any further and he was dumped himself so i cant search him online or real and he came back just to say "i'm sorry" with the news that he had a new girlfriend and in that time we just thought that what we did in the past was really wrong and it really broke our friendhip and now we're just like somebody that we used to know

and the whole lyrics is really what we've been through 

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN LIL TROYE

THE QUIET - Lyrics

THE QUIET - Official Lyric Video

DKLA

This song is featuring with Tkay Maidza and she was really good rapping in this song,

This song just feel like-- two people who really had a brutal fight and did not want to keep the love around. But for me, yes it is. And it was really hurts in the ass. this song maybe related to the quiet for me because this song is like reminding me of someone who i love lastly but it went not too well and we just GOT THE QUIET SESSION TOO and we just talk again and we just dont keep love around and we just telling the truth (ofc i dont tell about my feelings--i mean, confess) and in that time we dont know if we're avaible of being a friends or not anymore.

DKLA - Lyrics

DKLA - Official Lyric Video

TALK ME DOWN

So last night i was talking about this song with my new friends who really love with Troye Sivan too and she said this song is really sad and it really makes sense because...

the lyrics just like a human for me. it's like the lyrics wants me to telling him everything--telling me the truth. And i see "the lyrics" in my really good-best-guy-friend. He was really hearable of me. He was really patient when i told him everything. he was like really a good person. And i do really wanna come home and be close to him.

it feels like, He wanted me to tell everything i've been through.

oh my, this song is really hurts. First time i listened this i literally crying. A lot. and remember of him as the lyrics.

TALK ME DOWN - Lyrics

TALK ME DOWN - Official Video

TALK ME DOWN - Live

COOL

This is really a teenage song. This song is reminded me of like teenage holiday in all of the movies--get wasted! but it was really cool if thinking like that and the music is really catchy and reminded me that i have this cool friend and everyone seems want to be eyeful like her (not me) and i feel like "you dont have to be cool like her because you are already cool by yourself" and it feel like a motivation songs hahahaha

COOL - Lyrics

HEAVEN

This is another featuring song in this album. Heaven is a song that featuring with Betty Who. This song is might be the strongest one because this song is really describing Troye Sivan's life as he turned to a gay person. he felt terrified and he literally had a coming out video and it was really a braveful video for me. Even if he said "if i dont go to heaven, fuck it" at his concert.

some people thoughts that this song is representing people who really dont even care about religion or whatsoever. But i see him in this song just like a terrified guy who turned to a gay person and he dont know that if he will ever find someone and he thought maybe God angry with him i dont know?

But without the story of this song. This songs is really good. you should hear it.

HEAVEN - Lyrics

HEAVEN - Live

YOUTH

Youth is reminded me of childhood. when i was six or when i was four i dont care. i was having a good time of my life at that time. and i still feel YOUTH in my teenager phase (i just have 2 years for being an adult person, oh God!). And for the YOUTH TEENAGER PHASE is just when i was in holiday with my friends and it was really good moments and i can not ignore them as a strangers i love them so much because there are my bestfriends and i love hanging out with them because it feel so alive to be a teenager who is having a laugh-sad-complicated time with bestfriend around.

YOUTH - Lyrics

YOUTH - Official Lyric Video

YOUTH - Live

LOST BOY

Lost Boy is a song that telling us a people who already in a relationship and he may felt like he's giving her a hopes up and he may felt really guilt and  he felt like he's not ready to be in love and to be loved so the lyrics that really hit me

So what are you waiting for

'cause someone could love you more

so Troye Sivan is really told us about

Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely

Really thank you for the advice, Mr. Mellet.

LOST BOY - Lyrics

for him.

Oh another featuring song with All Day rapping this song and it was really cool and i really love it.

Troye Sivan said that this song is really personal and i wont tell and write about this but my review.

This song is may be kind of "BUCIN" songs but it really a good songs. This songs tell about how two people who really madly in love and they didnt care about other people think of them and it really making me feel like "i am fall in love" even if i dont seeing anyone hahaha

for him. - Lyrics

for him. - Live

SUBURBIA

Troye Sivan said that this sururbia song reminded him of Perth, Australia. Well me? the fucking traffic jam.

the lyrics like, "Yeah, there's so much history in these streets"

SUBURBIA - Lyrics

TOO GOOD

Too Good is really related to Lost Boy for me because this song felt like a someone who really wasted on someone's life while they're having a hard night.

p.s Troye's voice is really hot in this song. and it really terrifying me because i've had this moment when i was in highschool, i wasted "his" time for loving me while i was being not ready to had a kind of any relationship but anyway this is really a good song 

TOO GOOD - Lyrics

BLUE

This song maybe would be a good-hurt broken up song. This song may be telling that two person who is no longer in love with each other and decided to separated but the other people still want to have a last chance to fix everything and the other people wants the other to stay for a while he/she fixing what's wrong.

and this song is so blue...

BLUE - Lyrics

WILD REMIX

WILD - RAC REMIX

WILD - Scout and Grey Remix

SWIMMING POOLS (Target Version)

you can see the lyrics here

SO THAT's IT!

Thank You for reading this new review in this glorious 2016!

Best Regards,

Mutia 

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January || Short Holiday

Hello, Bloglife!!

If you want to know, there is a post that i want to publish and share with you guys but the content may be too restricted and it was really privacy and i thought i might be write another one.

I know that is okay for you guys. Because if i publish, you may be knowing that i am so a desperate person.

But im not that kind of desperate person.

So in this situation. January is like a trial month for me, for 2016. It's not like i can not move on from 2015, it is because i have a thoughts that i am ready for this year in February.

I am so sorry for you, January, because you were like monday for me.

So this year!!!!!!!

There is a lot of things to do and another stuffs that may be good jn this year even if i dont know why.

I am very grateful because this year i will be in freshmen year part 2 aka semester 2 and it really freaking me out because i am so excited to do whatever that makes me.....

Happy?
Feeling more alive?
No longer being a desperate person?

Yes.

So the freshmen year part 2 start in the end of February, and now i am just waiting that and still wait for my final score for freshmen year part 1.

No. I am not excited for the score, i am just being a realistic person right now.

And i may or may not get a short holiday before starting class. And here it goes what i am doing for this short holiday:

-eat
-sleep
-movies
-discover a new music, new artist, new genre
-eat
-sleep
-movies
-drawing
-drawing
-car practice (sooner i may get a license!! Hope it fast!!)
-playing games
-games
-games
-hanging out with friends (i said this because yesterday i was sort of hanging with my friend. We're just watching movies and stuffs.)
-instagram
-youtube
-another social media
-sort of hoping there is someone (i may interest) to taking me a hanging out together #dramatic

Wow, that is a really good holiday, mut!!!

NO. IT WAS REALLY BORING.
But i liked it.

I just lying in bed all day, nothing to do, made myself not being a productive person

And all i do is just breathing and it is really okay.

I write this with my tab because my laptop is kind of broken and i dont know when will i get a new one :"D. And i listening to some music and yes, i am lying on my bed. What a day.

And for the nest posting, i may give you a hint and it was really ummmmm directly?idk.

#Np Troye Sivan - Lost Boy

Best Regards,
Mutia💙

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2 am madness

Is it really, a feeling?

Is it a fear?
Or, is it a sad?

I think it was really the saddest moment of my life

You know what, sometimes we can be a heart-less person. I am sure nobody wants that even if they're at their lowest, but for me? I surely don't want any of those.

I try to deny that, i laughed a lot even if i know that is not funny at all. I smiled while my heart is really having a badass hurricane.
That's really weird, huh?

You know you don't want that but somehow you did not know why you did.
You know you don't hear all the bullshit story that your friend told you but you just seemed hearing because you don't want your friend's feeling?

Hear.
Hear.
Hear.

You heared people
You, be there for your friends just because you are fucking exactly know what is like to be have no one?

Hearing is good, darling. But sometimes, you need people to hear your story.

It scared me the most, a simple "Are you okay?" Question could be really the hardest question because you don't even know how to answer, you don't even know what to say anymore because you heared bullshit everyday.

That's really torture me. How could possibly, being a heartless person--but it still feel hurting?

How could possibly, being a heartless seems like you're hurting your own self?

Or, is it me, or the universe?

Is it me, hurting myself, or the universe taught me a lot of bullshit all these i-dont-know-if-it's-incredible-or-not years?

Danke schön,
Muti.

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