January || Short Holiday

Hello, Bloglife!!

If you want to know, there is a post that i want to publish and share with you guys but the content may be too restricted and it was really privacy and i thought i might be write another one.

I know that is okay for you guys. Because if i publish, you may be knowing that i am so a desperate person.

But im not that kind of desperate person.

So in this situation. January is like a trial month for me, for 2016. It's not like i can not move on from 2015, it is because i have a thoughts that i am ready for this year in February.

I am so sorry for you, January, because you were like monday for me.

So this year!!!!!!!

There is a lot of things to do and another stuffs that may be good jn this year even if i dont know why.

I am very grateful because this year i will be in freshmen year part 2 aka semester 2 and it really freaking me out because i am so excited to do whatever that makes me.....

Happy?
Feeling more alive?
No longer being a desperate person?

Yes.

So the freshmen year part 2 start in the end of February, and now i am just waiting that and still wait for my final score for freshmen year part 1.

No. I am not excited for the score, i am just being a realistic person right now.

And i may or may not get a short holiday before starting class. And here it goes what i am doing for this short holiday:

-eat
-sleep
-movies
-discover a new music, new artist, new genre
-eat
-sleep
-movies
-drawing
-drawing
-car practice (sooner i may get a license!! Hope it fast!!)
-playing games
-games
-games
-hanging out with friends (i said this because yesterday i was sort of hanging with my friend. We're just watching movies and stuffs.)
-instagram
-youtube
-another social media
-sort of hoping there is someone (i may interest) to taking me a hanging out together #dramatic

Wow, that is a really good holiday, mut!!!

NO. IT WAS REALLY BORING.
But i liked it.

I just lying in bed all day, nothing to do, made myself not being a productive person

And all i do is just breathing and it is really okay.

I write this with my tab because my laptop is kind of broken and i dont know when will i get a new one :"D. And i listening to some music and yes, i am lying on my bed. What a day.

And for the nest posting, i may give you a hint and it was really ummmmm directly?idk.

#Np Troye Sivan - Lost Boy

Best Regards,
Mutia💙

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2 am madness

Is it really, a feeling?

Is it a fear?
Or, is it a sad?

I think it was really the saddest moment of my life

You know what, sometimes we can be a heart-less person. I am sure nobody wants that even if they're at their lowest, but for me? I surely don't want any of those.

I try to deny that, i laughed a lot even if i know that is not funny at all. I smiled while my heart is really having a badass hurricane.
That's really weird, huh?

You know you don't want that but somehow you did not know why you did.
You know you don't hear all the bullshit story that your friend told you but you just seemed hearing because you don't want your friend's feeling?

Hear.
Hear.
Hear.

You heared people
You, be there for your friends just because you are fucking exactly know what is like to be have no one?

Hearing is good, darling. But sometimes, you need people to hear your story.

It scared me the most, a simple "Are you okay?" Question could be really the hardest question because you don't even know how to answer, you don't even know what to say anymore because you heared bullshit everyday.

That's really torture me. How could possibly, being a heartless person--but it still feel hurting?

How could possibly, being a heartless seems like you're hurting your own self?

Or, is it me, or the universe?

Is it me, hurting myself, or the universe taught me a lot of bullshit all these i-dont-know-if-it's-incredible-or-not years?

Danke schön,
Muti.

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